The Serenity Prayer with a Twist: The Wisdom to Know It’s Me

At a yoga class one day, my teacher read a simple quote that’s a spin on the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,

The courage to change the one I can,

And the wisdom to know it’s me.

The quote, like the prayer itself, is profound in its simplicity, but difficult to practice sometimes. Most of us know we cannot change others and can only change ourselves. But knowing something is different from living it.

The Serenity Prayer and Acceptance

Thanks to my yoga practice, I’ve gotten better at letting go, and I see things a little differently now than I did before. I used to get more stressed over the way others reacted to things I did (or didn’t do) and felt it was my responsibility to be sure everyone close to me was always happy.

I’m easier on myself now. That doesn’t mean I go out of my way to disappoint people, of course. But when I’ve done my best and they’re still not happy, or when they take things too personally, I don’t spend hours obsessing over how I can change their minds about the role I play in their misery.

It makes me think, though. While I’m busy changing myself and accepting the people I cannot change, how many people are struggling to accept me? How much effort should we make to get along with those who challenge us while accepting them at the same time? After all, relationships take work, and good relationships are rare.

Sometimes Even Changing Ourselves Won’t Help

We all have people in our lives we wish would change. Sometimes those people are members of our immediate family. We can say, “Here is a person I love and a person I cannot change.” But what does that mean for the day-to-day interactions we have with these people we care deeply about but don’t always get along with comfortably?

I’m not talking about simply acknowledging that we can’t change another person. I understand that we can’t. Problems arise, though, when we struggle to cope with who a person is at a challenging moment. After all, they always have the option to change if they want to.

For now, our only option if we want to get along may be to change the way we react to people we can’t change. We can change our minds about them, and we can change our belief that we — or they — are solely responsible for the success or failure of the relationship.

The Serenity Prayer Does Not Ask Us to Go It Alone

I sometimes fantasize about complete independence. I would need no one and no one would need me. Then I could surrender to the powers that be and go with the flow, completely at ease all the time.

Needless to say, the universe is on to my fantasies of independence. I know that no one is completely independent, but for some, it’s easy to think that’s the case. But we all catch on eventually to the truth that we are relational beings.

One With All

Accepting that we’re all connected can be tough. We cannot get along with everyone, and we cannot be close to everyone. No matter how good we get at serenity, though — at changing ourselves or accepting that we cannot change others — the reality is we need others.

Now you may wonder what all of this has to do with the Serenity Prayer, acceptance, and focusing on changing ourselves, not others. The answer is as we move through life and adjust how we relate and react, I think we need to be careful not to equate serenity with indifference or the belief that we don’t need anyone’s love or acceptance.

Our goal as yogis is union. We cannot do this alone! We can, however, choose our connections wisely. And we can accept and let go when we need to.

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